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Falling to Peace-Us

12/5/2014

4 Comments

 
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It has been 5 moons now since Otie my beloved Kitty who I shared life with for 18 years crossed over to the spirit world and is now flying in a different sky. 5 weeks later my dear friend Anyta crossed over too, My car died and my well went dry. This has been a year of loss and change and I have been hurled head first into the land of grief.
 I decided to to not resist but to throw myself all the way in, exploring sadness, crying my eyes out, feeling where the pain was in my body. I worked less and asked for help more. I let go of things I could no longer keep up with. I wrote more poetry and started drawing.
 I read and listened to everything I could find on grief and healing and sadness and soon learned that no one is untouched from this experience, even though we all carry and process it in different ways, I discovered that in my most alone hurting place I was actually relating to more of humankind than I ever had!
 I began to share  the gushiest loving things that I thought and felt in my heart about others with them. I knew that the breath could leave the body unexpectedly at any time for anyone and while previously I may have felt awkward to be as loving on the outside as I felt on the inside but at this point I began to wonder where that programming came from. Ah ah! Ok time to explore all my programming!! So deep into the truth tunnel I journeyed asking and wondering where is my deepest wounding and why I am I letting it run my life?
 And then a really funny thing happened. the more I explored my dark wounded side and began to feel some very very deep sadness and longing and fear and at times downright terror,the happier I became! It was like I was cleaning out my cosmic closet of old debris and thoughts that were no longer needed. The ultimate spirit feng shui I suppose.
 My life force began to flow more and I felt more creative, alive and healthy than I had in a very long time. I lost weight and I slept deeply. A few nagging body aliments vanished.
I had been so scared to face my sadness,what if I started crying and never stopped? What if I went so far in I wouldn't be able to find my way back out? I soon found out that the real pain was the resistance.
And then a  most amazing thing happened! When I really allowed myself to fall to pieces, I actually fell into peace.
4 Comments
Ilia link
12/16/2014 07:05:54 pm

Right on!

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dawna link
12/19/2014 05:44:42 am

dearest friend Rainbow, you are a girl who looks deep, who knows love, who cares about why we are here and who does her part to contribute to a better Earth, healthy relations, finding Joy and sharing it with others. You are a girl that matters. One who without we would all be a little less capable, a little more in the dark. For you are the girl who is a beautiful bright light that holds your lantern up for all of us to see our way.
I love being on my Journey and bumping into you on the path...thanks for illuminating my way and helping me see some of the rocks in the pathway so i don't stumble too hard. thank you Rainbow, sister and Goddess. You found your Peace, because you were curious, brave and true to your Soul. I follow in your footsteps so that I too may find my Peace. i love you, shine on sister.

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rainbow
12/20/2014 12:29:25 am

Wow Donna,you have just reached into a piece of my heart and touched it so tenderly, it has moved me to tears, thank you soul much for all your kindness and sweet words.I am grateful to be standing in this circle of love and friendship with you dear sister, what a gift we give each other with our truth and our caring. Thank you my sweetest friend. I love you soul much. and then some

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Jen
12/22/2014 07:42:19 am

Dear Rainbow,
You are such a courageous soul (coeur, being the latin word for heart, meaning that you are whole hearted) I can very much relate to what you speak of, and what a gift you gave yourself, to tap into your pain and longing for love and connection, something that a part of you knows about on the deepest level. Bless you and bless your process. You are in my heart, and I think of you often, the woman who opened the sacred doorway into the wisdom and magic of herbs. Your gifts are still unfolding in my life, and in the lives of many.
Loving you from afar,
Jen

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